A few months ago, my dear cousin, Janice, broke up with her long-time boyfriend. Everyone in the family was devastated with the news because they looked so perfect and happy together. I asked her why they broke up and she simply said, "He just wasn't contented anymore. He was looking for something more." I asked her how she was coping with the situation and despite the pain and agony in her voice and face whenever we would talk about it, I could see that she was handling it perfectly. Yes, she was in pain. Yes, we could see that she wanted so much to bring back the love that was lost. But we all saw the effort of her trying to move on and trying to make the most of her time not dwelling on how painful the experience was. Instead, she even told us not to hate him because it was not his fault that he was not happy anymore...it was not his fault that somehow, the love that they had and cherished before decided to leave and falter. Instead, she reached out to friends and relatives who cared for her, she gave herself time to suffer for awhile and feel the pain, and then she decided that she had to move on.
I admire her strength and willingness to help herself...
All of a sudden, I just realized that people are never indispensable, even in relationships. Employees get fired from their jobs, people get deported from different countries, husbands leave their wives and vise versa. It's the reality of life. It's painful but it's true. No matter how hard you try to work for something, whether at work or in relationships, there will always be someone better, someone smarter, someone prettier. And all we can do is accept it and face it...and move on. It's such a sad realization.
But can we do something about it? That question still haunts me until now.
I started to think about my relationships--past ones and the present. I will admit, I have a lot of flaws. But who doesn't? I think every person wants so much to make sure that their relationships will work. But with what happened to my cousin, I started to get worried. To me, they were a perfect couple. Yes, they had their share of fights, but in the end, it was very evident that they loved each other. Do people really get tired of loving too much? Is it a sin to give your all when you know and feel that you're giving it to someone who is worth it? How do you really know that he's worth it? Are there rules or guidelines to determine that you've really found the 'one'?
My relationship right now is not perfect. But it's real and it's based on love. It was unexpected..it was never planned. Magic? Maybe. It's just funny how we could have crossed paths so many times before--he was the best friend of my first boyfriend (surprisingly, during those 8 months, I have never gotten the chance to meet him), a year before we met we both lived in the same small village (just a few houses away), we'd hang at the same bar at the same day but never at the same time...the list goes on and on. I guess God introduced him to me at the perfect time when we both needed each other the most.
The first year and 4 months was heaven...I felt like I was in high school again. The butterflies on my stomach whenever he'd surprise me during my shows, the first kiss, the first boracay trip, the first time he met my parents and when I met his--everybody who saw us said we were like a match made in heaven...
It's a little different now. I could probably describe our situation right now by quoting John Legend's "Ordinary People".
--- "...this ain't the honeymoon, we've past the infatuation phase, right in the thick of love, at times we get sick of love, it seems like we argue everyday...sometimes it's heaven sent then we head back to hell again, we kiss and we make up on the way...I hang up you call, we rise and we fall and we feel like just walking away. As our love advances, we take second chances..though it's not a fantasy I still want you to stay..." --- I could not keep track anymore of how many times we've broken up and then got back together again for the past 3 months or so. Maybe too much familiarity makes people impatient with each other. Or maybe we have been so busy being together that we totally missed out on a lot of other things..and since we've been so used to 'always being together', the adjustment from almost everyday of seeing each other to just meeting up once a week is like hell. I really don't know. Or maybe there really is a phase in a relationship wherein couples really fight about anything under the sun. Period.
But we're going to work things out. We have decided to work it out. Maybe compromise never worked for us. Maybe sacrifice will work better, I still don't know. What I know is that in life, it's always trial and error. If it doesn't work out this way, then there must be another way. The most important thing is that both of you are willing to make things work. It takes two to tango. If it's worth it...if in you're heart you know that there is still room to grow and change...if you don't see him that often anymore but whenever you close your eyes, he's still there...if you know that you have been wronged and you didn't mind because you know that he was sorry but was just too proud to say it, then work for it...
As my boyfriend would always say, in relationships, it's better to take it a day at a time. Do not treat it like a sort of career. This is real life, we're not in a movie...not everybody is blessed with happy endings. Take care of it, cherish it. Make the most out of it. Don't curse...if you do, say you're sorry. Pray. Because in the end, it will all boil down to one thing: if it's meant to be, then it's meant to be. But the important thing is, you did your best, you loved with all your heart and you have no regrets.
