I'm Going To Germany!!!

It's official...I have the proof right in front of me. My passport was delivered this morning with the Schengen Visa in it...I'M GOING TO GERMANY!!!


BEER BEER BEER, get ready!!!!!


13 days to go.......countdown starts...now!!!

Secrets...Betrayal

"As doctors, we know everybody's secrets. Their medical histories. Sexual histories. Confidential information that is as essential to a surgeon as a ten-blade, and every bit as dangerous. We keep secrets, we have to, but not all secrets can be kept...

...In some ways, betrayal is inevitable. When our bodies betray us, surgery is often the key to recovery. When we betray each other, the path to recovery is less clear. We do whatever it takes to rebuild the trust that was lost. And then there are some wounds, some betrayals... that are so deep, so profound that there is no way to repair what was lost. And when that happens, there's nothing left to do but wait."

--Cristina Yang

NEW LIFE...

Phrase of the moment: NEW LIFE...

This phrase has been running in my brain and has been coming out of your mouth for the past few weeks. NEW LIFE. What does this really mean? To you? To me?

NEW LIFE. It's probably waking up in the morning, thanking God for another day. It's going through the rest of the day with new promises to make and to keep... new beginnings...

It's probably changing your lifestyle into something better....something more stable for the future.

FOR YOU, living a NEW LIFE is waking up every morning beside someone who you will be spending the rest of your life with. And it's a choice that you made. For you, NEW LIFE is leaving your past behind--including your passion, some of your friends, old habits, unresolved relationships. You always say NEW LIFE with a heavy sigh. Why?

Stop feeling guilty."We are left with a choice. Either let the guilt throw you back into the behavior that got you into trouble in the first place, or learn from the guilt and do your best to move on." (Meredith Grey)

NEW LIFE. I am still figuring it out every minute of everyday. I'm taking it a day at a time. All I know is that this is going to be good for me. For all of us. Everybody needs this. Everybody should say it and do it. NEW LIFE. I can't wait.

........ok

"The fantasy is simple. Pleasure is good, and twice as much pleasure is better. That pain is bad, and no pain is better. But the reality is different. The reality is that pain is there to tell us something, and there's only so much pleasure we can take without getting a stomach ache. And maybe that's okay. Maybe some fantasies are only supposed to live in our dreams."

--Meredith Grey


....who am i kidding...I'm not okay....everybody thinks i'm ok...i'm not ok.
....at least he doesn't know that i'm not ok...at least i'm trying to be ok.
....i'm guna be ok.
....tomorrow is another day...maybe tomorrow i will be ok.
...i'm guna be ok....i know i will be...i promise....

....i need a drink.....

Enough McDreamy!

Okay, I know this is old school but I just started watching season 3 of Grey's Anatomy last night. Wow...it blew me away.

First, I realized that everyone is entitled to make his/her decisions. Whether wrong or right, YOU HAVE TO FACE THE CONSEQUENCE FOR EVERY DECISION YOU MAKE. You can't just flip a coin and say, "heads, I go for McDreamy...tails, I go for Finn"

Second, your life can undergo a sudden change of events in just a snap of a finger. We all have to be easy on ourselves and wake up to the possibility that you will not be the same person ever. It may be a death of a loved one, or your loved one chose to be with someone else...yadayadayada... But that is part of life...CHANGE IS CONSTANT...ACCEPT IT.

Third, as people, we always pray that we don't experience pain..at all. We need pain. Pain is good. Pain will make us better. Pain is given to us for a purpose. DEAL WITH IT.

Fourth, here's meredith's narration during the last part of the 1st episode: "Time waits for no man. Time heals all wounds. All any of us can want, is more time... Time to stand up. Time to grow up. Time to let go."

....there's more...

Yes, I still love my McDreamy. He may have swept me off my feet, he may have made my heart skip a beat everytime I'd see him, he may have been the man who gave me goosebumps everytime he gave me his look. Yes, he may have been the man of my dreams. But my McDreamy wasn't capable of making up his mind. He doesn't know what he wants...he has a lot of baggage.

So I say enough...enough with the baggage, enough with the butterflies in my stomach, enough with the promises he never kept..enough with the secrets.

I need a man who is sensitive enough to my feelings...a man who will try his best not to make me cry...who will go out of his way to prove his worth...who will constantly remind me that he is worth keeping and that I AM WORTH FIGHTING FOR...I need to find my Finn....
...we all deserve a 'Finn' in our lives. McDreamy is great...but just like his name, he will forever remain in our dreams. In real life, it just never works.

Lastly, to all my friends: When you think that the man you are with is TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE....well, he probably is...so cut the cord and move on....because in the end, it just won't work.