Beautiful Sadness...
I've been pretty much protective of my heart lately. I haven't allowed anyone to enter just yet because I'm still scared of getting hurt...because of this, one of the guys that I hang out with described me as "uptight"...then he said, "I wish I knew you before your heart was torn into pieces.."
And maybe the reason why I entered into a relationship so soon after my heartache was because I settled. I told myself that this is better because I know that I wouldn't get hurt anymore if I didn't fall in love. I was right. I didn't get hurt. But I was more sad when I was with him than when I was alone. And it was unfair...truth is, I realized that I wasn't ready--to enter into a relationship, to fall in love, to get hurt again.
I don't think I'll ever be ready soon...but I guess at the back of my mind, I'm still looking forward to the thought of feeling giddy again and feeling the butterflies on my stomach and the goosebumps at the back of my neck...
There are a few out there who are trying. And they're fine men. But I still am looking for someone who could tell me that they're worth the pain...that they're worth the sacrifice...I'm not looking for someone who'll promise me that they'll never hurt me or make me cry...let's face it folks..that is one big lie. Let's be realistic here...I'd rather go for a guy who'd make me cry but will make sure that he dries my tears and picks me up after each fall.
Anyway, I got this text last night and I want to share it with you guys...after reading it, I didn't feel sad anymore...or maybe I still am, but I'm thankful that I'm feeling whatever I'm feeling right now.
In one episode of South Park, Stan found his friend Butters who just had his heart broken...sitting on a rain-soaked curb and in tears:
Butters: "Uh, well yeah, I'm sad, but at the same time I'm really happy that something could make me feel this sad. It's like..it makes you feel alive, you know...it makes you feel human. The only way i can feel this sad now is I felt something really good before...so i have to take the bad with the good..so I guess what I'm feeling is like a beautiful sadness"
And maybe the reason why I entered into a relationship so soon after my heartache was because I settled. I told myself that this is better because I know that I wouldn't get hurt anymore if I didn't fall in love. I was right. I didn't get hurt. But I was more sad when I was with him than when I was alone. And it was unfair...truth is, I realized that I wasn't ready--to enter into a relationship, to fall in love, to get hurt again.
I don't think I'll ever be ready soon...but I guess at the back of my mind, I'm still looking forward to the thought of feeling giddy again and feeling the butterflies on my stomach and the goosebumps at the back of my neck...
There are a few out there who are trying. And they're fine men. But I still am looking for someone who could tell me that they're worth the pain...that they're worth the sacrifice...I'm not looking for someone who'll promise me that they'll never hurt me or make me cry...let's face it folks..that is one big lie. Let's be realistic here...I'd rather go for a guy who'd make me cry but will make sure that he dries my tears and picks me up after each fall.
Anyway, I got this text last night and I want to share it with you guys...after reading it, I didn't feel sad anymore...or maybe I still am, but I'm thankful that I'm feeling whatever I'm feeling right now.
In one episode of South Park, Stan found his friend Butters who just had his heart broken...sitting on a rain-soaked curb and in tears:
Butters: "Uh, well yeah, I'm sad, but at the same time I'm really happy that something could make me feel this sad. It's like..it makes you feel alive, you know...it makes you feel human. The only way i can feel this sad now is I felt something really good before...so i have to take the bad with the good..so I guess what I'm feeling is like a beautiful sadness"
posted by kat's corner at 11:07 AM
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