A tap on the shoulders...

The thought of being 30 scared the hell out of me...

Call it the "birthday blues"...call it anything you want...but I was just plain miserable. The funny thing was, the past few weeks were ok. No problems at home, work was busy but it was manageable, I was surrounded by great friends who made me laugh, plus I had a great long weekend with one of the greatest bands in the country...I should have been ecstatic!

I wasn't.

Don't get me wrong. I'm alone, but I'm not lonely. Empty? Hmm...maybe. Why? I really don't know.

I guess in a way, I felt useless. If you've been religiously reading my blogs, you'd know that I have this "messiah complex"...I have a need to save othe people. I want to be needed. That's just how I am. Especially with friends. Regardless of how tired I am, I try my best to be there for a friend...to at least listen or share some thoughts. For the past few months, it was me who needed saving. From what? I don't know!

But God has a way of tapping you on the shoulder...a few weeks ago, I received some texts from some friends who have chanced upon by blogs. My blogs actually make a difference! The words and messages somehow touched their lives and made them realize a lot of things. One of my friends even said that she was longing to find someone to talk to about her problem but didn't know who to turn to until she read my blogs. I'm meeting her this week. =)

God is trying to tell me that in my own little way, without me knowing it, I am still helping people. I am still needed. Yey!!!!

I'm still trying to find ME...I'm still trying to answer the never-ending questions that have been occupying a large space in my brain..slowly but surely I will. Everyday, God is trying to tap me on the shoulder so that I could carefully fill up the void in my heart.

There's more!!! Just as I was writing this blog, 3 of my officemates, approached me and asked me how I manage to come to the office with a good disposition all the time. They asked me how I manage to smile despite all the bad gossip I get from some people in the office.

I just smiled and said, "Pangit kasi ako pag nakasimangot eh."

They thanked me and said that my disposition was contagious. One even hugged me and said, "you're a good person."

God did it again. Thanks for the tap! =)